Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
the raccoons are back...
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