I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
