member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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