youre lurking in front of me
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
