You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
