DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
