girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
