Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
