We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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