I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
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