I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
