you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
