Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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