Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
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