so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
