You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
