New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
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