Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
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