Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
