it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
