Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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