I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
