he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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