You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Randomize
