Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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