I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
