omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
