his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
