one two three fourrrrnication!
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
