My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
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