Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
