So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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