The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
How naked do you want me to be?
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