hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
