I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
