I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
FUCK WHALES
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
