garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
