Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
