So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
