Just took my morning after pill in the library
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
