i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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