I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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