You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
