you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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