bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
