now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
