Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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