NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
