Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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