Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
