My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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