It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
