he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
