he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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