Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
