If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
